145: Solar Returns 1

my earlier selves were never able to see me at fifty. might it have been youthful shortsightedness or an unwillingness to consider what ageing might look like? fifty seemed so old, so unwell, so lonely, such a struggle. perhaps i didn’t want to have a life like that, but didn’t know what was possible outside what i recalled seeing around me. and somehow i lacked the imagination to consider other possibilities and the energy to bring them into being. but imagination has been growing thanks to a fire within that has remained even in moments where i didn’t realize it was there.