Day 82: Ready to let go

April 4, 2013

Back to the self-work. I have created walls or blocks to my being fully whole, to releasing some baggage and healing traumas, to loving myself. I am working to living in truth and being honest each day. And facing the discomfort that arises as a result or because of it. I want to appreciate his willingness and capacity to love me and evolve in his own right. But it is hard.

There are times when i must work through feeling bad about myself for how large and unhealthy i’ve become. But then i step back and check myself and remember that this is an ongoing practice. I’ve used food by over eating and eating unhealthy things to mask deep feelings of pain and trauma. This practice has served as a protective armor. But like smoking and drinking, overeating has its side effects. And more fundamentally, overeating becomes a way to not face the underlying feelings that make me feel as though i need to protect myself in this way. So here i am, ready to leave Detroit to a place that can support this healing work. Here i am spiritually ready to release the toxic energy, face the underlying feelings of loneliness, rejection, fear, or whatever else is down there.