Entry 3. June 2021.
What i would tell my younger self.
The women before me didn’t talk much about the changes they experienced in their bodies. Not when it was happening. Perhaps as a twenty-something, i may not have been able to appreciate fully what they would’ve shared, if they shared it. How is it that such a transformational period in a women’s life often takes place in silence or quiet whispers with close friends?
If i were able to visit my younger self what would i say? What would i share about the powerful transformation she will inevitably go through that will be jarring and painful at times, clumsy and embarrassing at others and still at other times be magical and resplendent?
If i were to visit her, i would say….(to my younger self)
Your body will shift and change in many ways throughout the course of your life. For example as you continue to age, your eyes will grow tired after decades of usage and you will require assistance for tasks that never needed help before. You will begin with no less than 6 readers (because you will constantly misplace them) and progress to glasses that you have to wear all the time. All the time. As a person with better than 20 20 vision, that may be an incredibly difficult shift to make, but you will be okay.
Your womb will cramp more frequently, especially in-between periods as your hormones shift to accommodate an eventual cessation of your cycle. Your period will grow longer, heavier and more painful. Your may forget things sometimes, even mid-sentence or mid-act. But this is normal as the brain’s chemistry is impacted from the hormonal shifts occurring in your body. You will be okay.
Your sex drive will ebb and flow, leaving you famished at times and disinterested at other times (partner beware) in sometimes unexpected moments. You will experience a warming of your body in waves that sometimes may escalate into intense hot flashes. But not always. You will easily put on weight and struggle to burn it off. And there will be times that you will become easily irritated and frustrated. Remember that in all of this, you will be okay.
There are so many things that you will experience physically, emotionally and mentally. And because of the society we live in, you may feel alone or think that something is wrong with you. But my love, there is nothing wrong with you. All that you will experience is completely normal. But perhaps more accurately, these changes are a way that your mind-body-spirit is refitting itself to meet the shifting needs of an Elder Wise Woman.
I would want to tell my younger self about how beautiful and powerful these changes are psychically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, but i am still in the process of discovery. In other words, i don’t see those as clearly as the cramps, forgetfulness and more. But i know they are there. I can feel it. And when they become more clear, i will finish this letter. That is, if i remember.