Day 48: Advance Retreat Advance

such joyful delight in firsts

that come with youthful energies

first kisses, first loves, first romps in the hay

intensely pleasurable memories

the concerns of others, mainly family

brought darkness to my door

and shame in my existence

led me deep in the closet once more

for years I focused on other things

regardless of how I felt

desires and feelings pushed deep down inside

i tried to accept the cards I was dealt

until a past love’s determined search

found me once again

her interest filled my craving soul

bringing deep longing to an end

it was sloppy it was messy

it too came to an end

though lovers we could not be

we agreed to always be friends

now i am moving along my path

taking great care to heed

the calling of my heart

while honoring my mind-heart-body needs

though it isn't without struggle

that I can say is true

but at my age I've shed all concerns

about what others think, how 'bout you?