Entry 6: January 15, 2022

There is a part of me that is so impatient. Over the past 8 years, noticeable shifts have taken place incrementally: longer periods, headaches, moments of elevated temperatures, foggy brain and more. Yes, noticeable and incremental. Given how long these changes have been taking place in my body, i want the period to end.

But at the same time i recognize that this is a response to one of the most uncomfortable parts of my womanhood,* which includes what i described above. It also includes the unknown: not knowing the time requirements of my own body’s processes and not really putting the stories of the women in my family together. I remember that my mom began missing cycles around my age, perhaps a bit sooner, but was in her early 50s before her cycle fully ended. I don’t recall her speaking about other symptoms. One aunt recalls that menopause took place in her early 50s and was uneventful, without symptoms, while the other had a hysterectomy, which brought it on sooner than what she might have experienced naturally. Same with my Granny.

As i recount these stories, what comes to mind is to just live life and stop worrying about things that are out of my hands. My body will move at its own pace. The time will come for my period to end before i know it and what i don’t want to risk is losing precious time in the present worrying about an as yet unknown set of circumstances in the future. It is also, within the grand scheme of things, a small (though not insignificant) aspect of my womanhood.

The release of blood from the womb is one part of a broader set of forces, processes and ways of being in the world. And i want to appreciate and ground myself in the wisdom and power of all of that.

*My personal womanhood, as a cis-gendered person born with a vagina and raised as a girl in this society.